Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
