i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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