Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
