you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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