i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
