big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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