Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
