shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
