i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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