when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
