Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
