can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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