im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
