Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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