this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
