i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
