is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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