his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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