i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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