what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
