I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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