how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
