If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
whose parrot is this?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
