i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
