i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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