Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
