I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?