the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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