Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.