hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick