I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.