I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Help me help you realize you are a moron
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
