If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
