I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
