six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
