I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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