a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
