thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
