I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
