Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
