3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
