he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
