Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
