Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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