it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
