Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.