Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.