so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?