Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
