yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
