Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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