I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
