i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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