I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
