i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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