her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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