I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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