Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
