I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
