Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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