My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
