Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize