You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
