I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
