So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
