I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
