I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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