There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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