did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
