so that wasnt chicken after all
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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