I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
