My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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