I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
