So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
if only i could text you this smell
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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