You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
