think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
